


Diary of Future Memories

by Lovelyj



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Dowoon drum teacher, Fantasy, Illusions, M/M, Post-Break Up, Visiting the memories, Younghyun bar owner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:01:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29190465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovelyj/pseuds/Lovelyj
Summary: A compiled letters was sent to Jae’s front door and as he read the page, he found out the purpose why it was sent to himI’m not really good at summaries forgive me..
Relationships: Kim Wonpil/Park Jaehyung | Jae, Park Jaehyung | Jae/Park Sungjin
Kudos: 17





	Diary of Future Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, its been so long since I wrote a fic and I really wanna come back but I’ve been very busy. Really happy to be back. This is a bit complicated and I don’t really write well but I hope its understandable.

It was spring. The delicate pink cherry blossoms falling from its tree always reminds Jae of the man he loved for five years.

He was born in spring. 

Jae was never fond of spring. 

It was the season he dreaded the most. Bad allergies and colds keeps him away from the outside but the man who was born in spring loved it with all his heart. He would talk about the smell of the season and Jae wouldn't understand but he'd adore him even more.

The flowing wind rushing on their skin brings coldness yet it is full of warmth as they kiss under the cherry blossom tree, pink tint blooming on their cheeks as they whisper never ending sweet words to each other.

However, Jae has returned to how he used to before. Spring is just a season, a season he has to avoid. He isn’t quite sure if it's the allergies or the awful memories he couldn't escape. He has moved on, its just there will always be a part of him which will be on his heart. 

It has been two years to be exact and his boyfriend for six months would always bring warmth to his heart. He is happy at the moment. He stopped thinking about the man born in spring since they met. He was a wonderful memory and a painful goodbye yet Jae would always try to erase the sad ending. He thought it was better to not hold any grudge. Relationships are like that anyway, a trial and error. If its not meant to be then there's nothing he could do even if he loved with all his heart.

“Sungjin-ssi, thank you"

“About what?"

“About today. I never thought I'd enjoy shopping" Jae softly smiles, eyes kept lingering to the man’s face.

“Little thing, you don't have to thank me all the time"

“Just accept it.." Jae says before planting a quick kiss on Sungjin's plump lips.Sungjin rolls his eyes and kisses Jae once more.

“Thanks for taking me home. Take care" Sungjin says with a smile before pulling Jae to another kiss which made the two softly chuckle.

Jae watched his boyfriend enter his house and both waved goodbye before leaving the premises with his car. Smile still hanging on their lips.

It was indeed a warm day on a summer night.

He walks in to his own house and noticed a bulked parcel on his doorstep. He wasn't expecting to receive any package so he was a bit curious, thinking it was sent to the wrong address. But it isn't as his name is written on it.

He opened the parcel to check who it is from and to his surprise its from the man he least expected to reach out to him.

The feelings he has long erased is rushing back to the rapid beating of his heart. The emotion he has put aside is returning to him.

He sees a plain cinnamon colored notebook with a black-threaded  Hello engraved on the center of the cover. The size is smaller compared to the regular type of notebook, like a diary. He did one last check on the parcel to see if there's more inside it but there's nothing.

He scanned the outer part of the notebook before he thought of glancing from side to side of his place, silently wishing the person who dropped the parcel off was him. That.. he would be here. Even if it’s obvious that a mailman dropped the parcel.

He entered his house and left the notebook on his bed. He showered and think and think and overthink of the reason why someone who has left him would put an effort to send him something like this.

He changed to his pajamas and texted Sungjin good night before paying his attention back to the notebook.

His chest began to ache as the old memories come flashing to his mind. He sighed deeply and wonder the purpose of the notebook. He wouldn’t want to open it however the curiosity and the beautiful past is pushing him to open it.. and so he did.

On a plain brown sheet, there’s that familiar hand writing on a black inked pen. His chest ached even more as he trace the writings on the paper. He missed the man in spring. And his mind is clouded of the memories.

Sungjin. He apologizes on his head as guilt began to grow on him. He thought he had moved on but time must’ve not be on his side.

_Dear Jae,_

_I watched as the moon rise up in the sky. You said you love it as it is the only constant in our lives. You said, It may leave but it will come at the same time. And if it’s there, it won’t leave even if you ask it to, even if it wanted to. You said it will never betray even if it is hidden behind the clouds. I promised to be your moon yet in the end I have to go when you asked me to stay. I’m sorry, I betrayed you. May you find the right person who will be your moon and will love you as much as you do._

A tear quietly fell from Jae’s eyes in which he quickly wiped away from his palm. Old memories of them staying out all night drinking. Or just them quietly watching the night sky with their intertwined hands. Those nights they couldn’t hide their desire to be one. Those little happiness in which the moon has witnessed, he began to wonder how all of those beautiful memories burned to ashes and became a painful memory.

He breathes out once again in wish to continue reading the diary that seems to be a compiled letters for him. He flips on the next page.

_Dear Jae,_

_Do you remember the park where we first met? I went back to that place. It’s strange, it doesn’t look like how it used to. What I am trying to say, that day.. it wasn’t the first time I saw you. I have always been seeing you on the same road at the same hour and thought if I keep visiting the park I would see you again. I don’t remember what attracted me to you however your tired eyes, your weary smiles when you stare at your phone, your back that seems to be carrying a lot of worries. I wanted to erase them all. I wanted to be that kind of person to you but where did it all went wrong? Do you know the answer?_

Jae doesn’t know either. He bitterly smiled to himself as he is reminded of those days. Jae could not remember the specific reason why he seemed to be so tired of the world back then but it must be because he was young and lonely until they met.

_Dear Jae,_

_Don’t you find it strange? Every time I visit this beach, I can always feel your soft and gentle lips on our first kiss. The smell of the salty air, our ocean wet hair and our sticky fingertips on the sunny morning, the strangers who witnessed our first kiss, all of it is still vivid on my memories. We were so perfect that it breaks my heart. Why did I let you go?_

Jae stopped reading on that part. He doesn’t want to think about it anymore. It was all in the past but after that night the diary is still on his bedside and he couldn’t help but hold it. For some reason, Jae Is confused. He wanted to see those places he has avoided for years. Maybe if he follow the traces they left, he’d be able to find the exit and leave forever. He’d be able to find peace and so he decided to take a leave from his work and asked Sungjin about his plans except he never told the reason why. Sungjin had sense something’s wrong but he didn’t asked, he won’t but he was anxious as Jae leave with his car. Only time could tell when Jae will be honest what he‘s trying to do and he’s waiting until that day arrives.

Jae found himself walking on that same beach one morning just like how it is written on the letter. It was the place which tied them together. It was the place which made his heart thump faster and for once he thought he’ll never have to find someone again, for the person in front of him was the right person. But it was all wrong. Everything he thought was wrong.

_Dear Jae,_

_Do you remember our first date? I really wrack my head to find a good place for us to eat. It was my first real date so I thought I should bring you to a fancy restaurant but I might’ve watched too much Korean dramas, it didn’t fit us at all. The serving was small and we were too hungry. We ended up jogging to the mini bar of my friend which I frequently visit with an empty stomach. I wish I didn’t took you there, now I can’t go to that place without thinking about you. We were so happy, I was so happy with you, I still remember it with all my heart. I shouldn’t have let you go like that._

Jae sat at the mini bar with a bottle of soju and an empty glass on his table. He frowns at the letter which almost led him to crumpling the part of the notebook until he got back to his senses and fixed it back to its original way however the crumpled part is still visible and the slightly teared part can’t be undo just like their broken relationship. Everything is too late for them.

_Dear Jae,_

_You know that one restaurant we accidentally visited because it was raining and there’s no place to stay? I am on that place right now. On our usual spot. But do you know what’s weird? I couldn’t find the names we carved on this table. I can clearly remember where we wrote our names but it wasn’t there. Everything seems to be at place but us. Is this a sign that I must forget you? Have you forgotten about me already?_

He was right.  Jae’s feet naturally brought him on the same spot of the restaurant. This restaurant is always busy in the weekend but luckily they aren’t packed today as it is a weekday which made him order the usual food they order together.

It’s indeed strange, Jae traced the part of the table where he wrote their name together, next to another couple which was supposed to be written on top of it. That couple’s name is still there but them, as if someone intently erased their name. If it isn’t him, who else could it be?

Jae ended up staying the whole afternoon staring at the non-existing carved letters when the rain started to pour without warning.

_Dear Jae,_

_ I  started climbing mountains again. I haven’t done it in a while since we started dating. When we went together, I almost got you killed due to your allergies. I was really worried back then but now I think of it, why was the situation funny? I was crying so hard and everyone was watching us. Come to think of it, I was kinda embarrassing. Were you embarrassed of me that day too? I have to say, since we’re not together anymore, I like it better, at least I could go back to how I used to. And I noticed, the picture we took together before we climb the mountain disappeared, did you take it? You must’ve hated me a lot that you have to come here just to remove the photo. I would like to apologize again. But you know what, since you can’t be on the mountains, I feel at peace with only having one memory of you in here. The sky is blue and the sun is warm. The smell of the mountain after the rain is my favorite. I’m thankful I don’t have that memory with you, I guess I can forget you soon. _

Jae drove out of Seoul just to visit that same place they went together. He parked his car and thought of climbing the mountain but getting reminded of what happened before, Jae is scared to be alone. No one can scream for help if his allergies attacks him. Jae had never thought he was embarrassing, Jae has always been grateful of his care. He got so used to it that when that care disappeared in an instant, it became difficult for Jae to get back on track.

So Jae remained down the mountains and walked on the stores selling merchandise and food. Jae’s mind though is walking afar, thinking of the man’s hobbies. He remembered how he used to say he loves mountain climbing, he never minded it before but now he realized, he has stopped him from doing what he love. Maybe, breaking up was the best solution for them.

Jae walked to the hall where people leave their photos as a memory of them on this mountain. Even if Jae only went here once, he could remember where they hanged it and it wasn’t there. Jae didn’t took it nor the other did. Could the management remove it after a year or two? It’s upsetting to think that the universe hated to see them together to the point of taking all their memories away before they could do it on their own.

_Dear Jae,_

_I think the gods hated us so much. I couldn’t find the photos we took. Did I deleted them all? Did I burned it all when I was drunk? I can’t find any memories of us, even the gifts you gave me. I also don’t have your phone number anymore. I was sure I memorized it. You know I used to borrow someone else’s phone when my battery‘s dead because I tend to forget to charge it. I memorized your phone number by heart but I can’t remember it anymore. Is it because I haven’t been calling you anymore? But is it even possible to forget about the most important thing for you in just two months?_

Two months. This means the letters was written a long time ago. And if so, the time the other visited the places he just went to was almost two years ago.

How did all their memories disappeared within two months?

_Dear Jae,_

_Walking to the places we’ve been must be what I needed to let you go but if you have taken all of our memories away too early, I assume, you wanted to erase all of our memories so bad. It seems like you also went to the music school we attended to and threw away the photos we took. I know my apologies can’t do anything for you but I still want to say sorry for hurting you._

But Jae never went back to the places they’ve been until this day. How could he go back to the places where he was the happiest with the person he used to love? He wouldn’t be able to gain the courage to see their smiles, when the couple in the pictures didn’t know everything would crumble like this.

It wasn’t there as Jae expected. There were always a photo of a class once their session would end, like it was graduation and there were five more people with them that time, he could even remember their names but there were no records of him on the said studio. The receptionist is also different so Jae couldn’t really ask about them more except the existing record of them on a class. But the record isn’t there, the receptionist did said it might’ve been lost.

Fortunately, the drum teacher of the studio was there the time Jae visited. Even if they didn’t took the drum class, they knew him as they meet frequently in the studio for class. He was closer to Wonpil though.

“Dowoon-ssi” Jae called.

“Yes, that’s me. Is there anything I could assist you with?”

Dowoon used to greet them with his signature crooked smile. Even if they attended the class a long time ago, if Jae couldn’t forget him, wouldn’t Dowoon a teacher of this studio would at least remember him too? But that doesn’t seem to be right. Dowoon gazes at him as if they’re strangers, as if its the first time they’re meeting.

“I.. I’m checking the price of a piano class but I need to go to the comfort room, may I know where it is?”

“Oh sure sir, if you turn to the opposite direction and walk to the right you’ll get there” He advices.

“O..okay. I got it. Thank you”

“No worries sir. Hope to see you around”

_Dear Jae,_

_I talked to my friends about you and went to the mini bar we frequent but they said they don’t know you. In the span of our relationship, we used to hangout on that place for hours but they said they don’t know about you. They said, I haven’t introduced anyone named Park Jaehyung to them. I was told to visit a psychiatrist. Am I really sick Jaehyungie? Were you all just a creation in my head all these time? If so, then why did I have to break up with you? If you were my imagination, I would’ve made a perfect relationship of us. You know what Jae? Rather than losing you, I’m more scared that our memories weren’t real. I would rather be hurt than not experience your love you at all._

Jae’s brows knitted in confusion. The memory he had couldn’t be a lie. Every single thing written on the letters were the memories he also have. If it was all illusion then he must be crazy too.

Without wasting his time, Jae went back to find the mini bar. If it was all not true, he wouldn’t know this exact location. If it weren’t real— right, the last time he came here, the owner only ignored him but Jae only assumed it was because negative rumors between friends may have run around and so he didn’t greeted the owner but now he has to know what’s going on.

“Oh, Jae? Are you the Park Jaehyung our friend talked about?” The man confirms.

Jae slowly nodded his head. “You know my name..”

“I do. I can’t forget it. You were his first relationship, how could he not show us your face?”

Jae has concluded, no one remembers them. But he knows this man in front of him right now, Kang Younghyun. He knows all the basic information of this man because they used hangout as well after he started dating that person. He only lost contact of them after the break up. But just because they broke up, it would be strange for his friends to pretend they don’t know each other. No matter how he look at Younghyun, he seems to be genuine of what he is saying.

“Are you looking for him?“ Younghyun asked.

“I’m— no. I was just wondering..” Jae shakes his head.

“Can I tell him you visited?” He asked in concern.

“No, its.. its okay. I think it’s better to not tell him” Jae contemplated.

“I understand. It must’ve been hard for the two of you to hide your relationship. But I still hope you guys told us, we won’t judge. We love our friend so much to abandon him”

“Did he told you that?” Jae tries to confirm.

“Not really.. but since we were in college he’s been confused but we all know about it. We just didn’t know that he finally got a boyfriend”

Jae has become even more confuse of the truth he knew. He wonder what kind of truth they know, if it’s different to what he have in his own memory but he couldn’t dare to ask. In the end, the memory he might’ve have is fake. Then does that mean the feelings, the effort and the time they invested for each other was all fake?

_Dear Jae,_

_I thought if we leave our memory on the places we’ve been, our love would be able to remain but what is this? I can’t understand. I was going to blame you for taking all of our memories too early but I might’ve been wrong. It’s been four months since I started writing this letters for you, are all these letters a fictional love I wish I could own? Are you a real person, Park Jaehyung? Or you’re also a character of my imagination._

_Dear Jae,_

_Its been a while. I talked to my doctor, she told me I was having a hard time accepting who I am and that’s how I created you on my mind. I didn’t want to believe her but she talk so well, she must be better than you. But I did really loved you even if you are only in my mind. I would still want to thank you for helping me cope up to know who I am. Jae, this is going to be the last letter I’ll write for you. I will send this diary-like-letters to your address that I still remember in mind. It may not get to you and some random person will get this but this is the only way to send you away. Thank you Jae. I love you._

———————————————————-

“ Noona, why did you call?” He says right after he picked up his phone. 

“There’s a parcel that came for you..” His noona says in a small voice, sounding a little anxious.

“Really? I’m not expecting to receive anything though. Who is it from?” He leisurely asked, not noticing the anxious tone on his noona’s voice as he read some files on his office table to finish before its deadline.

“Wonpil-ah.. its from Park Jaehyung. Would you like to go back home?” She asked.

Wonpil froze on his seat. Dazing to nothingness as he slowly try to comprehend the words his noona just said.

“J.. Jae?”

**Author's Note:**

> It’s vague right? Well anyway, thank you so much for reading.
> 
> This was a bit inspired from Another Oh Hae Young cause my sis watched it for like the 10th time already.
> 
> I guess that’s a hint. If its still confusing, the title says it all. I would really love to hear some feedback thank you for your time~
> 
> Here's my cc: https://curiouscat.me/HaengbokhanPil


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